Tuesday, March 13, 2018

A group of vowels walk into a bar...

I heard some grammar-based bar jokes recently, and thought I’d try my hand at a few.

A group of vowels walk into a bar. A tells E, “I owe you, but don’t know why.”
An oxymoron walks into a bar. Arguing the issues of the day and drinking heavily, he has a sobering experience.
A hyperbole storms into a totally dead bar, absolutely obliterating its tranquility.
A non-sequitur walks into a bar. “Dutch courage” was a boon to soldiers in the Thirty Years’ War.
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, planning to burn the midnight oil at both ends.
A comma splice walks into a bar, he has a few drinks, he starts a fight.
A sentence fragment. Walks into a bar. With lots on his mind to forget.
A run-on sentence walks into a bar he’s carrying the steering wheel from his car which he just wrecked he needs a drink or two badly.
A subjunctive would have walked into a bar if only she had realized her options.
A misplaced modifier walks into a bar with a man he has known for years wearing a cowboy hat named Jesse.
A dyslectic walks into a bra.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar and spends the evening drinking, smoking, meeting with clients, arranging for packing of illegal substances for storage and delivery.
A simile walks into a bar quiet as a mouse.
A synonym enters a taproom.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to celebrate.
A pronoun walks into a bar and sees an attractive verb. He suggests they conjugate.
The present walks into a bar and sees the past with the future. The situation is tense.
A dangling participle walks into a bar. He takes a hostage. The SWAT team negotiates with him for an hour before being shot dead by a marksman.
A pair of quotation marks walk into a bar for “happy hour.”
A double negative walked into a bar and didn’t not have a drink.
A bar is entered by a passive.
Tom Swifty walks into a bar. “Give me a double,” he says thirstily.

Here’s one that I can’t take credit for and doesn’t involve a bar, but I can’t resist including:
A team led by Dr. Craig Smith of the University of Hawaii found the crabs using a remotely operated submersible. 
Clever crabs indeed.


16 comments:

  1. Thanks for the early morning laugh, KM.

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  2. Hi KM. Great jokes and signs.

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  3. Love these, Kathleen. Fun starting the morning with a good laugh. I always appreciate humor related to grammar, and these made me think. You are clever coming up with them.

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  4. Laughing out loud. Wonderful, Kathleen, and very creative!

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  5. KM, actually I like yours the best. All very good and are sort of teaching jokes! Well done.

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  6. Hilarious, Kathleen! I needed a jump start on this snowy morning.

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  7. Laugh out loud funny! I'm forwarding today's blog post to an English teacher!

    DebRo

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  8. Those clever crabs! I loved these - thanks, KM!

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  9. Very funny and good. Thanks for the laughs.

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  10. What a nice way to start the day. Loved them, Kathleen.

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  11. Love these! I just had some terrific laughs. Thanks, Kathleen.

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  12. I'm pleased that people are enjoying this. I had fun thinking them up.

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  13. You made these up? Now I'm impressed!

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  14. I wish I'd had these when I was teaching high school English. Some wouldn't have understood many of them, but the one about the dyslectic would have shut down class for the rest of the hour.

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  15. My previous comment appears to have a little problem with the pronoun-antecedent thing. Please forgive. Since retiring, my skills have slipped. Uh-oh. There I go again.

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